Keep a muzzle on your mind
and a leash around your limbs
unless you dare to die
in a battle you can’t win.
Principles have perished
with virtue on their side.
But life cannot be understood.
Greater men have tried.
It’s best you take it lightly
and silence all the sounds.
The best that you can hope for
is just to stick around.
You’ll just know.
You’ll just…
know.
I finally know.
Intuition
like a lightning bolt,
like a realization
at the tip of my tongue
yet light-years away
and not composed of any words at all.
Reaching out to touch it,
my chest caves in
as I cross over dimensions
and break through magnetic fields.
Crushing. Imploding. Recoiling. Resounding.
The universe aligns
and I catch a glimpse
of a worm-hole
black-hole
holy grail of light.
If you open up the sun,
life as we know it
will end.
I catch my breath.
Yes.
This is it.
Definitions are circular
and at the end of the day
a word means nothing.
A smile could say more.
A kiss,
for that matter,
could shatter the dictionary
and take us back
to Adam and Eve.
Look, I’m a wordsmith.
I love me some words.
But words are not free.
My gaze could roam
and graze the Earth
a hundred times
from shore to shore
before a word could even reach the door.
So you see,
on this page
I’m playing catch-up
in a rhythmical race
I’ll never win.
But then again,
how do you define
a win?
Synapses
overstimulated.
Neurons
no longer firing
but on fire.
Heart and mind
racing.
Only one
can win.
Can’t catch my breath.
Can’t catch my thought.
And even if I did
my hands are too shaky
to get a grip.
Insight?
Insanity?
Who said there was a difference?
I have faith in nothing.
I’ve lost trust in everything.
Things I once believed were true
are now just possible answers
to impossible questions.
And I question everything.
My intuition tells me yes
but my brain wonders
well why not no?
And then I’m left
without any convictions
except maybe the certainty
that I will never be certain.
Now most people do not need to be certain.
They jump on whims
and attach faith to the outcome.
But when I jump
I’m silently questioning all along
if I’m really going to land on solid ground.
Most of the time I don’t.
But sometimes I do.
And this inconsistency
is what stripped me of faith in the first place.
Or maybe it’s because
logic and faith
are mutually exclusive.
And I will always err toward the former.
In any case
I am lost in a world without answers
with a mind that demands them,
a heart that ignores them,
and a soul that suffers the consequences.
05-April-2006
You either do–
or you don’t.
Don’t give me pitying excuses
of Exodus
and ex-girlfriends
or other extraneous circumstances.
The truth is,
you precluded this from the start.
So don’t try to have a heart
now
and spare my feelings.
All you do is hurt me more
to make me think that
if the situation were different
I might be in your arms.
As if
space and time
have any control over
hearts and minds.
Certainly not mine.
So as far as I’m concerned
it’s not “No, but…”
but “No.”
How can someone
with such a keen sense
for detecting discrepancies
and illuminating illogicalities
be so blatantly oblivious
to the truth before her eyes?
I guess in love
she’s found a phenomenon
she cannot analyze.
You are my shadow–
everything the light can’t touch
everything I push aside
when the sun is shining.
But once the sun goes down
you engulf me
from the outside in
and we become one and the same.
I despise you
I resent you
for following me
everywhere I go.
But no sooner could I plant
both my feet onto the sun
than could I rid myself of you
and escape my own shadow.
Reason resides
within the mind
where synapses and neurons play.
Love lives
within the heart
in a chamber far away.
Action requires
the use of both
in a certain space and time.
But who will lead the way?
The heart?
Or the mind?
Or will they both desist
and resist their own ambition
to strengthen their domain
and bring it to fruition?
If the body’s biggest muscles
decide to just give up,
then what becomes of life?
What becomes of love?
Logic is a friend.
Intuition is a lover.
When you have one
without the other
you are bound to get it wrong.
You see,
I knew it all along
that things were meant to be this way.
But I was worried about what my thoughts would say,
afraid my heart might not recover.
When in the end it is
a friend
who becomes the closest lover.
