Death by Down

She cried
and she cried
into her overstuffed pillow.

He smelled so good
that being his friend
was just self-inflicted torture.

And she decided
right then and there
that being tickled to death
would have to be
the worst way to go.

Flame

I light this match
in your name,
in honor of a love
that burned so quickly to its end
some would argue that it
never began.

But I know that it was real.

My right thumb and forefinger
still bear the blackened residue
of the spark that I
did not want to watch die.

And yet the smell of burnt matches
is one that I have always loved,
more so than the aroma of the candles
to which they pretend to give life.

I’m not really sure why.

But I will light this match tonight
and leave the wax of my candles dry,
letting the flame burn off my fingerprints
and extinguish itself
in vain.

Comfort Zone

I’m working on

positivity

and other such feelings

that are foreign to me.

So forgive me

if I don’t seem to

be myself.

I know it’s strange

to watch me

[gasp]

forgive myself.

Believe me you

it’s just as hard

for me to see

and leave the safety of

my negativity.

Elemental Incidental

I am fire.
I am ice.
You are the fluid
in between.
And with this lightning bolt
we could conduct
electricity.

Toy Store Blues

I’m 5 years old
at the mall with my mother
walking past
The Coolest Toy Store Ever.
Tickle-Me-Elmo
is waving at me
from behind the big glass window.
I become
immediately and emphatically convinced
that he is my
best-friend-in-the-whole-wide-world
and I cannot live without him.
My mother, however,
does not agree.
She drags me by the arm,
kicking and screaming and crying in vain,
the most distraught 5-year-old child
you ever did see.
I swore life would be meaningless
if I could not have him.
And it was,
for quite some time.
A time that felt like an eternity
before I received
a sufficiently cool enough
Replacement Toy
later that day.

Twenty years later,
all that’s really changed is that
as an adult
it is no longer acceptable
to run kicking and screaming
when you can’t have what you want.
So you hold the feeling in,
saying nothing to no one,
and hope it doesn’t eat you alive
before your next shot at
unrequited love.

Dirty Laundry

You told me to let you go
but I have to let you know
I’m keeping you in my back pocket for now.
Please forgive me.
I can’t bear to throw you away just yet.
But maybe one day,
when I finally wash these worn-out jeans,
maybe I will forget you there
with my lint balls and spare change.
And perhaps I will use bleach and hot water
on that particular load
on that undetermined day.
And maybe
in my carelessness
I will just wash you away.

Exposed

Here is my heart,
plain as daylight on my sleeve.
Here is my soul,
darker than you can believe.
These are my words,
here for all of you to see.
I need to heal.
No more bandages for me.

Home Cooking

Guilt.
It’s what my mom fed me for breakfast.
And I cannot forget this.
Sorry doesn’t cut it.
Now no matter what I do
I punish myself.
I hate myself.
You’re a fat lazy pig.
The hatred I turn inward
because despite it all
she is my mother.
You people have no respect.
That’s right you cold, selfish bitch.
I have no respect for you.
Or for myself.
And it’s all your fault.
So where’s your guilt?
Oh that’s right,
you put it on us–
your children–
who never asked to be born.
But when I asked to die
you made me feel selfish.
Guilty.

31-August-2005

The Love Cycle

It’s a slow process.
Like the changing leaves in October
or the first snowfall in December.
Eventually Spring will thaw the ground
and Summer will hardly remember.
But the passing seasons of love
do not follow the hands of time.
Only when the heart is ready.
Only when my heart is mine.
Staring at the barren branches
will not make the green leaves grow.
Just continue on your journey,
then the blossoms start to show.
Love will lead you through the changes,
with or without seeming reason.
It never dies, it just recycles.
Time to face the coming season.

24-July-2006

Assimilate Your Asymmetry

Embrace your instability

and use your asymmetry

to your advantage.

If your

left foot

is bigger than your

right foot

then use that one

to take your next step forward.

It may be a

clumsy-looking stride

that slows you down

from time to time

but really

why are we all in such a hurry?

The next time you find yourself

curled up on the ground

while the world around you

whizzes on by

do me a favor:

open up your eyes

and observe the world

from a perspective

that they

will never see.